I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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