I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
