The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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