Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
