i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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