i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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