We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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