We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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