I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
