after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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