I bet he comes in French.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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