god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
