Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Randomize
