You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
