Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
