dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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