I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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