Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
