Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
