I puked a lego.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I would ride that face into the sunset
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