My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
