Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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