I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
