So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
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Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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