I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she pinky promised me she was 18
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
