So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
