did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
