i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
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She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
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Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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