I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
a search helicopter?!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
