ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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