There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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