he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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