I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
being pregnant is like rehab
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
