I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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