i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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