dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
