tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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