Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
