porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
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Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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