He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
