So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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