Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
