My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
