I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We are all done wearing pants today
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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