actually, I'm a sock model
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if only i could text you this smell
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
