My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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