I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize