I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
