You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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