I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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