why didn't you poke me back
Me too!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
