I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
