I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
