Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
