no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
