If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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