From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
