so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
