I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize