i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
