google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
