Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
