how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
