a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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