Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
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Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
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But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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