How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
