my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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