FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
