wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
