Non-Jews are for practice
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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