Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
