He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
