Sponge bath it is.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
