So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
