laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
