If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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