and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
