She's JV to your varsity
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
