I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
