I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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