We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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