Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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